I’ve blogged a lot of silly gadgets in my day—so many that it’s actually hard to be surprised by stuff anymore. But, as hardened as my exterior has become, it’s no match for JLab’s latest concoction—a huge-ass, wacky-ass pair of headphone speakers befitting a Lord of the Rings-sized troll head.
When I say “huge,” I mean huge, folks. Rather than describe them, I’m going to just show you the pictures of what JLab is (appropriately) calling the JLab Blue XL, because I literally thought they were a joke when I opened the email.
The face of someone with future neck problems. © JLab
They’re really this big, though I guess it almost makes sense because, as you may have caught earlier, they’re not really headphones; they’re “headphone speakers,” which I’m aware doesn’t illuminate much. The idea here is that you’re not really supposed to wear them on your head, at least not in the traditional sense, because they don’t fit. Instead, they’re designed to be used as Bluetooth speakers that you can drape around your neck or prop up on a table or awkwardly hold up to your ears until you go deaf or something. At least you won’t have to hear anyone ask about your comically large headphones anymore.
© JLab © JLab
Altogether, the JLab Blue XL have 30W of power and two 2.5-inch drivers and two 2.5-inch radiators, which is a little more than you’d need for a pair of real headphones. Surprisingly, JLab says you’ll get 20 hours of playtime out of this monstrosity, but I guess that does kind of make sense given the fact that they’re gigantic and therefore also have a gigantic battery. Honestly, the price isn’t bad considering it’s literally a lot of materials—these chonkers will cost you $99. Steal, really.
More than anything, I’m just kind of speechless that these exist. I’m really not sure who these are for, but, as a fun exercise, I’ve compiled a shortlist of who JLab may be targeting with this particular gadget:
- Pee-Wee Herman
- People who are into infantilism
- Clifford the Big Red Dog
- Someone who really needs attention
- The same people who feel the need to drive Ford F-150s even though they don’t haul anything ever
- The world’s biggest JLab fan, no pun intended
- Literally, God
I don’t know; that’s really all I got for you. They’re huge speaker headphones that make your head look tiny. There’s simultaneously not much to them and also so much to them. At the very least, it’s something silly to take your mind off all the not-so-silly stuff happening in the world. If you’re feeling like supersizing your life, you can go ahead and order them right now.
