Every once in a while, there’s a marketing gimmick so ridiculous that I have to pay attention. There was the Xbox mini fridge that was shaped like a Series X, Cooler Master’s KFConsole, a PC that actually heated chicken, and now, to join those storied ranks of wacky gimmicks… Spotify and Liquid Death’s speaker urn.
Yeah, you read that right—speaker urn. The collaboration between Spotify and the increasingly popular beverage company, Liquid Death, is aptly dubbed the Eternal Playlist Speaker, and is shaped like, well, an urn. It’s extremely limited edition (only 150 are available for purchase) and ridiculously expensive at $495, but it’s still a lot of fun if you’re metal like that.
Will this Bluetooth speaker sound good? Probably not. It’s made out of “polyester resin,” according to Liquid Death, and the speaker is shoved inside a plastic urn, which should make for fidelity that sounds as good as decaying flesh smells—but that’s not why you’d buy this. If you wanted good sound, you could buy a non-urn-shaped speaker from Bose or something, but no, you want to be a spooky little creep, and for that I commend you.
There’s honestly not much information on this thing—no listed battery life, driver specs, or any features—but the manual shows that there’s at least one button for power, an LED indicator that tells you when your morbid little speaker urn is charging or pairing, and a USB-C port for when the battery runs out of juice, just like all of our batteries eventually will.
Liquid Death doesn’t actually show the inside of the Eternal Playlist Speaker in its promotional video, so I can’t tell if it’s hollow enough to use as a real urn, but if it is, I am using this blog post as an official record: I would like to be cremated and kept inside this gimmick speaker. The only song you’re allowed to play out of this speaker after my ashes are shoved inside is Creed’s “Arms Wide Open.” This is a spiritually binding contract. I don’t have the money to hire a lawyer, but just know this: if my bidding isn’t done, I’ll haunt the sh*t out of you.
If you’re serious about dropping 500 bones on a speaker urn, I guess you can do so now. Liquid Death says they’re limited to five urns per person, though, so I guess find four of your deadest homies and have at it.
